her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
