is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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