So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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