is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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