You really coming over, don't trick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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