What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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