I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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