So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
