You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
