what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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