Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
