Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
