I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize