I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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