I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
