Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
