Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize