saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
