I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
