Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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