There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
