I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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