You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We just shotgunned beers for America
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
