It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
