More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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