i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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