ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
