Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
