I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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