i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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