i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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