At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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