So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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