Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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