Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
