Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
