Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
