Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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