uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
