its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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