I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
