i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
