Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
