Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
