"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
