i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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