oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
