I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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