My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
why do cheetos always look like penises
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
