i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
