38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
