I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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