saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
