DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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