I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
