in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
