It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
