Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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