I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You are a genius and a whore.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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