last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
