Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
