STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
