Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.