I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove