You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?