I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.