I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing