used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize