Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize