i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When are your genitals available?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
