I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
