shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize