I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
