yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
