You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
