not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
