i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
