Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
