Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
