I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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