dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
