I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
