so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
