after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
