sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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