Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
