its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
